


Invisible Wounds

by Beloved_nalla



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crying, Feels, Fíli POV, Heartbreaking, Suicide Attempt, Thorin POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:58:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1889304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beloved_nalla/pseuds/Beloved_nalla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin and the company go through a tough situation</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invisible Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this is extremely sad and tears might be a product of reading. Let me know what you think.

The world had tumbled around him. Everything he had ever wanted was gone. Thorin had watched the life fade from Bilbo’s eyes, all sign of it leaving his body hollow. Thorin had cried out with all the heartache within him spreading throughout the halls of Erebor. It had taken most of the company to pry him away from Bilbo’s lifeless form, tears upon everyone’s faces. The despair was too much for all of them, but Thorin felt as if part of him had just died. Bilbo was his greatest love. He had never imagined having to go on without him. A dreadful ache had settled into his heart, burrowing into his very core. The King under the Mountain had made up his mind. 

~

Fili knocked on the door to Thorin’s private chambers. His uncle had locked himself away shortly after Bilbo had died. The company shared in his pain, but not fully. They all knew that Thorin had lost the one he loved and it was different for him. Fili only wanted to get his uncle to eat something so that he would not starve alone in his room. He knocked again. He worried about his uncle, hoping that Thorin would not be completely consumed with grief; that he might join the others in the dining hall to celebrate the hobbit’s life as they knew him.

Fili knocked a third time without an answer. He decided that he would just poke his head in to check on Thorin. He slowly pushed open the door, slightly entering the room. He did not see Thorin anywhere in view. Fili entered the room completely, calling to his uncle. 

“Here,” came a raspy voice. Fili found Thorin sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed. Fili sat in front of the mighty dwarf. 

“We’re gathering in the dining hall. You should come downstairs. You need food…” 

“Not hungry.” Thorin stated simply. 

“Uncle,-“ Fili began, only to be interrupted. 

“Please leave me, Fili.” Thorin’s voice was resigned. Fili sighed and left the room. He did not want to see his uncle suffering as he was, but he did not know how to help the dwarf cope. 

Fili entered the dining hall where the company was eating. It was relatively quiet compared to the usual chatter that took place during meals. They all looked at Fili as he sat down. 

“He will not join us,” Fili would not make eye contact with the others. “I’m worried for him.”

“What do you mean?” Balin asked. 

“He sounded hopeless, like there wasn’t anything left here for him now that Bilbo is gone.” 

“He has lost his husband, someone who he loved and found solace with; someone that cannot be replaced in his heart no matter how much time passes.” Gandalf replied gently. “He must make peace with this in his own way.” 

The company finished eating in silence. The atmosphere was filled with grief and sorrow. All of their hearts ached for their lost burglar, their distraught King under the Mountain, and for themselves. The world felt as if all hope was lost in that moment. 

~

Thorin stared at his hands that were clasped together. He was lost, not knowing how to go on any longer. Fili had made an attempt to give him something familiar, something that might make the world look a bit normal, but he could not play his part in the façade. He ached for Bilbo. Tears filled his eyes every moment that something sparked his memory of the hobbit. 

It was as if the King under the Mountain were blind to the world, not seeing a future for himself any longer. Bilbo had been his light, now extinguished. He saw nothing but darkness surrounding him. It was finally time.

~

“I’m concerned about him. He sounded as if he could not go on,” Fili said to his brother. “His eyes looked so empty.” 

Kili had agreed to go with him to check on Thorin before they returned to their chambers to sleep for the night, though sleep would not come easily. Upon reaching Thorin’s room their grief had increased, hurting for their uncle that suffered. They wanted to see him walking through the halls, laughing at supper, and smiling at Bilbo once again. But they feared that Thorin would never do those things again. 

They entered the room quietly, noting the darkness that overtook the room. Every night Thorin would light a fire because Bilbo had loved it so, but there were no flames in the fireplace. There was silence. 

“Thorin?” Fili called out. He didn’t receive a response. The young dwarves set about looking through the chamber for him. They hoped that their uncle may be sleeping, but he was not. Instead they found that the room was empty. Thorin was not there. They looked at each other. 

“The library.” Kili suggested. They ran from the room making their way through the vast halls of the Lonely Mountain. The library was not far from Thorin’s chambers and the dwarf brothers reached it quickly. The door was bolted shut when they tried to open it. They heard Thorin’s sobs coming from inside the room. They pounded against the door with all their might, but had little success. They got lucky when Gandalf happened to walk down the hallway. He was able to open the doors with his magic, but Fili and Kili did not like what they found on the other side. 

~

Thorin watched the fire blaze in the fireplace. Bilbo had always loved to sit by it and read. He found peace where none could be found in the world. Thorin could see him sitting before it, a book in his lap, and a smile on his face. He could hear the hobbit’s laugh as Thorin would tickle him from behind, ending up with Bilbo climbing into his lap to kiss the dwarf. Sobs racked Thorin’s body. He would give anything to have Bilbo back. He had made up his mind about what he must do. He would see his burglar again and he would suffer no longer without him. 

“I’m coming, my love.” Thorin raised his knife high, closing his eyes. 

~ 

Fili and Kili burst into the room to find Thorin thrusting a knife into his middle. 

“Thorin!” Fili shouted as he ran to his uncle, Kili just behind him. Fili pulled the blade from the dwarf king, removing it from the wound that had been made. Thorin had begun to descend to the floor. Fili held onto him and went to the floor as well. Kili applied pressure to the wound to help the bleeding stop, but Thorin writhed underneath his hands. Tears were streaming down Fili’s face. 

“Bilbo!” Thorin cried. “Leave me be. I must go to him. He’s waiting.” 

“Uncle, Bilbo is gone.” Fili held the dwarf with all his might. He had not known his pain was this great. 

“I cannot go on without him!” Thorin sobbed. 

“Gandalf!” Kili shouted over and over, hoping that the wizard would come to their aid before Thorin bled out on the library floor. The cut was deep. 

“Bilbo would not want you to go on this way, Thorin. He would want to see you happy.” 

“My heart aches, Fili.” Tears streaked Thorin’s face terribly. 

“I know, Uncle. Mine does as well.” Fili’s voice cracked. “But we must go on as Bilbo wished us too.” 

"I cannot..." Thorin sobbed uncontrollably in Fili’s arms. He barely notice when Gandalf came into the room with Oin at his side. They began to examine the physical wound and mend what they could. Thorin had made it deep and it would not heal easily. It took some time, but they were finally able to stabilize the dwarf king. They moved him to a bed and someone sat with him every few hours. Fili had taken the first shift, not wanting to leave his uncle. He had not realized the Thorin’s wounds were so deep, but he was going to help him with them no matter how hard it got. He would not lose Thorin too. 

~

Months later…

Thorin knelt in the field where the Lonely Mountain stood watch. He had been coming to this place ever since he had recovered physically. Fili had helped him build a small shrine to honor Bilbo’s memory; a garden where they planted a small tree and flowers. Thorin knew that Bilbo would’ve loved to have had a garden of his own. 

It had taken Thorin weeks and weeks to get past his suicide attempts. He had desperately wanted to be with Bilbo that he had seen no other option. It was Fili that convinced him otherwise. The young dwarf had helped Thorin plant the garden where Thorin came once a day to make his peace. He would talk to Bilbo, who he hoped was somewhere resting peacefully. The days became easier to manage, but Thorin had days where he saw no hope still. If Fili had not been there Thorin’s body would be buried next to Bilbo’s within the mountain. Finding peace was what Thorin hoped for, but he knew it wouldn’t be easy. He hoped that one day he would join his beloved hobbit, but it was not his time quite yet. 

“I miss you, my love, my Bilbo. I will see you soon.” Thorin stood and made his way back to the front gates of Erebor, the wind making his long hair sway. He like to think that it was Bilbo, letting him know that he was still there with him.


End file.
